Diary of a Madman

Alarm went off at 5:30
Snoozed for twenty minutes or so . . . 
Fading dreams alternating with . . .  
Fuck! Shouldn’t have finished the wine!
M25 is going to be crap.

Stood under the shower until I could open my eyes
Made a cup of tea
Fed the cat
Ate a bowl of cereal
Listened to the news 
Air strikes over an already pulverised city
Somewhere comfortably far enough away
Not to care too much
Unfortunately there was some ‘collateral damage’…
But the pilots made it home safely.

Drove 40 miles to work 
The traffic was terrible
On the radio they said that the traffic was completely SOLID between junctions 11 and 14 on the M25
I should know, I was stuck in it.

During the morning I found it difficult to concentrate on the screen
At one moment I imagined my legs had become tentacles 
Snaking out along the floor, under the desks . . .

At lunchtime I had a couple of pints (4) with Joe from Accounts
Could hardly keep awake during the afternoon
At 3:30 I had a meeting with Baxter
He said I showed great promise. 

Drove home
The traffic was terrible
On the radio they played 'Road to Nowhere' by Talking Heads.

When I finally got home there was a pile of bills on the doormat.
Fed the cat
Sat on the balcony
Had a couple of cold beers.

My neighbours were having a row
Sounds like he’s having an affair.
Stuck a frozen pizza in the oven
Washed it down with half a bottle of Tesco’s Merlot
Watched an interesting documentary on the box,
But fell asleep half way through. 

Woke up at half past midnight
Had a quick swipe through Tinder
Finished the wine
Brushed my teeth
Had a pee
Set the alarm
Climbed into bed

Dreamt I was an octopus who had its own TV show
There was lots of laughter from the audience
Oh God! Surely that can’t be the alarm already!!!?